Sometimes the people you love the most can also hurt you the most, your parents, a brother or sister, a close friend or a boyfriend/girlfriend. It doesn't matter what you do, they continue to say things that put you down. Mistakes are OK every now and then, as long as they learn from them. It only becomes a problem if the hurtful things are so frequent that the happiness is being sucked out of you & you're feeling bad more often then good when you're with them. I want to share a thing (or in this case 4 things) that will help you create more healthy, fulfilling relationships.
1. Know you have a choice. The great thing with friends is that you can choose them. If your friends put you down more often than lift you up, it will make you miserable. You can change this by letting them know, they may not realize that the things they are doing are making you feel so bad, if they stop then that's awesome! If they don't then it could be time to find new friends. I slowly built the courage & spent less time with the friends who would put me down, I took small steps, I'd say no to things that I'd normally do with them, I started doing things with people who were much kinder to me. I became so much happier.
2. Speak up. Family is important, you can't choose your family but you can choose to spend less time with them if they put you down. If you dread being around someone you're close to in your family because of the hurtful things they say, try talking to them and telling them how you feel. If the response isn't what you were hoping & they aren’t willing to change then accept this and keep your distance. It doesn't mean you never speak to them again, it just means you have to put yourself first. Looking after yourself is THE most important thing. You’ve tired to talk to them so remind yourself you’ve done your best. Instead of seeing them so regularly just because they're family, you can choose to see them as much as you can manage. It's ok to do this.
3. Let go of the fear. Fear will come up when making these changes. You care for these people so worrying what they will think or if you will hurt them is natural. There will be uncomfortable feelings in the beginning, they are only temporary. The person will eventually accept your choice. Remind yourself that you are doing what’s best for you & that’s what really matters. Take small steps.
4. Be open to new relationships. We worry we won't find fulfilling relationships so we stay stuck in unhealthy ones. I was one of these people. I gained the strength to change, what a life-changing affect it has had on me. I learnt that healthy relationships do exist. You have a choice. This is you're precious life. Don't waste it with who people who bring you down. You deserve the best, I've written another post on this here. Take a small step today by spending more time with the people who believe in you & appreciate you. Keep taking small steps & eventually you'll be surrounded with great people who make you feel that you, too, can become great.