Painful things have happened to me in my past. Although I wanted to leave the pain there, it would continue to live on in my present.
I was in an unhealthy relationship and things happened that crushed my confidence. The pain from that would show up in my ‘now’ stopping me from pursuing any new relationships even if it was what I wanted.
A close friend from my past constantly said things to put me down. I believed them, I felt like I wasn’t worth loving. This pain became apart of me, it lived on within me. For a long time I felt like I was never good enough, smart, pretty or rich enough. It stopped me from living the life I wanted.
After years of soul searching I came to realise that the things that happened to me didn’t define who I was. I could then let go of the pain from the past and be free. It no longer controlled my present. Here are my tips on how to have the power to define yourself.
1. You are not what happened to you. Life involves pain. Sometimes people can hurt us. Even our loved ones. There are two options when it comes to the past: you can choose to let it define you or let it strengthen you. You can get caught up in the pain, reliving it over and over again or can realise that you are not the things people did to you. In the beginning I couldn’t understand why someone I loved would want to cause me so much pain. I carried the hurt and for a long time I let it define me. You are not what happened to you. You are what you choose to become.
2. Let it go. Eventually I let it go, I realised I was not the hurtful things people did to me. I didn’t deserve them, no one deserves to be treated in a hurtful way. It strengthened me. I learnt about the qualities of a relationship I didn’t want and this was the starting point where I could search for the relationships I did want. I know it is hard at the time but once you let go of the pain the lesson will appear. Even though my past relationships were horrible I wouldn’t take it back, if I didn't have these experiences I wouldn't have learnt these very valuable lessons.
3. Forgive them. Don’t take it personally. Sometimes people act in a mean way to not intentionally hurt you, they simply haven’t healed from their past pain. They too are in pain. Give them as much love as you can until it starts to sacrifice your own happiness. If it does, it’s time to let them go and gravitate to more positive relationships.
4. Know you are worthy. Despite how someone treated you in the past, you were always worthy and you will always be worthy. Don’t let the past stop you from living the life you want. Chase your dreams. Be who you are. You are beautiful, smart and intelligent. You are enough.